In the half of an episode that I watched of “Girlfriends”, I remember the character Lynn making this confession during a monologue. I stored the message, and never needed to watch the show again. It just made sense to me this week.
Since I stopped being a Christian, I’ve released the stigma of “unequally yolked” from my dating filters. Within the Church, there was often this talk of avoiding people who weren’t as religious as you. This typically meant those who weren’t regular church goers…because the thought of being with someone who wasn’t saved was never even a thought.
When I left the church, I also left behind the need for separation or definition of Us vs. Them. I am now free to befriend or date someone of any religion (or lack thereof), based on character rather than affiliation. Just so long as that person is full of light and love, and is non-condemning of others.
One of my best friends is a solid atheist. My last boyfriend was agnostic and HIGHLY skeptical. But he was highly inquisitive of my Orisha faith, and damn respectful. I don’t have to marry an Orisha worshipper. One of my favorite lovers is Taoist. And by gosh, he knows how to show me “the way”. #bowchicka
I look forward to the days when I will take my children to a church, a mosque, a shiva puja, camping, and to a bembe, all in the name of learning God (and themselves) in boundless ways.
But there’s one thing on which I can not compromise —
If we are dating, you have to touch my butt.
Kiss my neck. Tickle me. Hold me strongly and confidently. Bite my ear. Smell my perfume and linger. Rub my neck like you’re comfortable. Like you’ve wanted to.
When I hug you, rest in my arms for the moment. Breathe with me. Let me kiss your back, and tickle you with my eyelashes. Let me take your shoes off, or back into your curves and rest there when we cuddle.
Make my body feel good, and allow me to do the same to you.
Notice that nowhere above did I mention sexual intercourse.
“Going slow” isn’t the same as waiting 90-days. It could be longer or shorter, but is best when two adults are selfless, upfront, and honest with each other. Not by an arbitrary number.
I’ve decided to be honest with myself, and realized last week while in the shower that when choosing a healthy soil into which I plant my seeds of relationship, companionship, and commitment, I’m loyal to the package marked Intimacy.
Religion can be a moving target, and even under the umbrella of shared faith, one can find many versions. I love a pious man. But what good is a pious love/r who won’t bless my body in addition to my spirit?
I love my body. My flesh is not sinful, nor base. God gave me nerve endings, curves, hormones, my mama’s booty and legs, and several orfices with good reason.
Let our intimacy and sex liken worship.
Watch this clip up to 19:27. And no further!! lol (Big thanks to my friend @BeJamesJones for digging into the Girlfriends episode archives to find this for me)