If I said that I never worry about money, I’d be a liar. And I don’t do lying well at all.
I just realized, while lying down and prepping for the night’s slumber, that my money worries are much like all of my worries – subconscious, and the seed of my anxieties.
They seep and fuse into my conversations without being invited. My worries evesdrop on my social life, and show up unannounced like a shameless ex…or roaches…or a Sallie Mae/Navient bill addressed to my old apartment from 2011 but somehow forwarded to my new place. Ew.
A close friend in town from Alabama invited me out this evening to hookah and happy hour, and I showed up fully prepared for water w/ lime. But because I’m awkward, and because I’m often clueless and occasional couthless, I over-announced this to the waiter…volunteering that I was too strapped to afford anything.
But I’d leave you an extra big tip if I had it!
Lies. I’m so embarrassed, and that was 6 hours ago.
I sat with the bar party for an hour, chuckling and puffing over my lime water and listening to my friend’s stories from the day…including the $100 car window he purchased for his girlfriend because her car was broken into last night. My response?
I could do a lot with $100 right now…
So. Fucking. Awkward. I even gazed off into the distance like a Kappa from undergrad…wtf!!
I’m still embarrassed, and that was 6 hours ago.
What’s the moral of all of this? As usual, to tell my business knowing that I’m telling somebody else’s, too. To document the temporary nature of things. As a reminder for myself for when the seeds I’M planting today begin to sprout.
Speaking of said seeds – I was talking to #Bae last week, who is sooo supportive of me during this time in my life. And what is this time? I work 40 hours a week networking, taking classes, writing and building a business, have earned very little $$$ in the 6 weeks since I started full-time, and just landed my first client – teaching social media to senior citizens! In support and response, #Bae said this:
Keep putting in work. Your job is to just put in the effort…you don’t control the back end. Don’t stop when you see sprouts–that’s what’s SUPPOSED to happen. You don’t make anything sprout – you just put the seeds in the ground. Keep planting fucking seeds.
Aye aye, cap’n. And how fitting…we’re working in a garden together on Wednesday.