The Bluest Eye(s)

14 thoughts on “The Bluest Eye(s)”

  1. I enjoyed reading about how your relationship with Drew came about organically. I have to remind myself to stop looking, stop trying to find “him”. Over two years ago, my third black husband moved out. I was angry, afraid, sad, and felt abandoned….again. Today, I am thankful. He set me on the best course of my life. On June 4th, our 11th year anniversary, I asked him for a divorce. He seemed stunned, and said that he had been hoping for reconciliation. I asked him, “based on what?” I told him that if he had wanted to treat me well, and be a good husband to me, he would have. I have learned this simple fact about men, they do what they want to do, and do not do what they don’t. I have expanded my dating pool to only include non-black men. I don’t hate black men. I just don’t have any more time in my life to waste on them. I will be 54 years old in 7 weeks and it has taken me this long to realize that I deserve a good man, good love, happiness, protection, security. So that has been the gift my soon to be ex-husband has given me. The gift of discovering that I am worthy of good things in my life. It has also been exciting to find out that non-black men find me attractive, interesting, and intelligent. I was sold a bill-of-goods a long time ago that non-black men, or in this case, white men, only would want me for one thing, so I steered clear. I had a fine, good Mexican male friend while I was in high school who wanted to date me after we graduated. He looked like a light-skinned black guy, and was frequently mistaken for one. He was a soft-spoken gentleman and I turned him down. At the Christian college I attended, there was a blue eyed, blond haired white guy from Philly, who asked to take me out. I was too afraid then, and could not figure out why either one of them wanted to date me. Fear has immobilized me in the past, and caused me a lot of heartache when I made decisions based on fear, and not strength. I still have fears, but I’m going to do it, embrace a new life….anyway. P.S. Are you and Drew still together? I really hope so….

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  2. It was wonderful to meet you today. I have really enjoyed reading your blog. This piece speaks volumes on LOVE, honesty and vulnerability and I appreciate you sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I understand this. I gave up trying to defend my blackness because I had the nerve to marry a white man. He treats me well, our children and I are cared for. But he’s white, so you know the rest doesn’t matter to some people. I use to joke and say my dark skin wasn’t in style when I was in school. Lol.

    Truth is, I love myself and I love myself enough to ignore the voices on the outside and embrace what was set in front of me. 🙂 I lovedon’t your post! You are so pretty. You have a new fan!!

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  4. That was quite moving…it made me tear up. I grew up in a neighborhood where dating outside your race would bring so much ridicule and sometimes physical violence. Luckily for me, my parents did not believe in such nonsense. I was taught to find someone who loves you unconditionally…period.
    It’s unfortunate that our level of Blackness is tied to so many things, including who we love. If true love is such a rarity, who do people put do many restrictions on it?
    I am so happy that you and Drew have found each other. Love is the sh*t! Enjoy every second of it.
    It ama

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  5. i love you my sister…

    I will be honest…

    When I first learned of you and Drew, I was oh so surprised, a little confused, but it did not bother me. I wondered if it was a fling or a just to try something new, but when you described test driving the car together, I felt a love and happiness for you. And with that came a guilt. As a “conscious sista,” a “revolutionary,” a “black love matters” advocate, I was torn on how could I support you in this. BUT, I was going through a leadership training, and we were being to taught to “greet this day and each person with love.” Because of love, I could care less about Drew’s race, color, and background. I loved that you were loved. Even typing this, it brings me tears…tears to cleanse and not be afraid for you.

    My mom suffered and was ridiculed when she was in a relationship with a man of European ancestry, and I think her pain was epigenetically imprinted on my adult self, though in elementary school, I had boyfriends to the tune of Marc, Jacob, and Scott. I was not taught to hate others, but was told that I could not bring home anything other than a black man, as they would not be welcomed. And I remember writing a friend a long letter on why he should be with a black woman and how no woman other than a black woman could ride him to the tunes of ancestral rhythms deeply embedded in his DNA physically, mentally, and spiritually…a letter that ended up causing him to break up with his white girl friend at the time. I remember thinking a few years back, while in Oregon, how white men being with a sister seemed to be a trend. Most sisters I knew there dated white men, and there were several white men that I met that only dated sisters. I wondered if Shonda was responsible. So vividly in my ancestral blood, I can feel what many of my ancestors experienced when they were rapped by white women, and what that meant then and now…then it was not a choice, today, to be with a white man it is a choice, and that is a powerful difference.

    So with all of that said, I am not torn any more, my heart is not heavy, nor do I feel any guilt. Beacuse I love you unconditionally, and he is an important part of you right now, I love him and your relationship, too. I love that you are loved and feel protected and I accept that it is not about others perceptions of you, but about you. When you come home and close the doors, you only have each other, and that is what matters the most.

    I will be in ATL in a few days, and I hope to meet Drew. And we can all walk down the street, heads held high proud of love being love, unconditionally.

    Like

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